Little Ones at the Wedding

Submitted by Kristeen on Tue, 07/01/2008 - 20:40

I was a flower girl when I was 6 years old, and I will never forget how exciting that entire experience was for me. Getting ready with the "big girls" and being allowed to wear lip gloss for the very first time, the adorable dress my Nonna (grandmother) made for me to wear in the wedding, the classic car I got to ride in, and my cute little ring bearer with his huge bow tie, frilly shirt and miniature "brown" tux... Oh 1981, where have you gone?!

Coming from a large, tightly knit Italian family, some of my fondest memories from my childhood are from going to lots of family weddings, whether I was in them or not. Because of that, a wedding doesn't feel quite like a wedding to me without children. I feel that weddings truly are about the merging of two people and ergo, two families. To exclude the small members of those families is a little sad. Even so, I realize that many brides aren't into having children around on their wedding day, and I understand that frame of mind as well. Children can get under-foot and some can be a bit "wild" at times. If you have a large number of kids in your immediate circle, it may just not even be practical (or affordable!) to host each and every one.

If you are considering having children at your wedding, here are the guidelines I give my brides:

1. Children from both sides of the immediate family are a must. In my book, nieces and nephews should never be excluded. I say this, in part, to promote good relationships between siblings. Of course, you are entitled to do whatever you want, but in my experience, you really should include entire families on your guest list. A fun tip: include the little ones in your wedding party. It will give them lifelong memories and you some ADORABLE wedding photos. They really are cute as can be. Don't believe me? Check out the flowergirl dresses at http://www.foxnlily.com/product_info.php?products_id=16. This link takes you to my very favorite mini-gown. Wicked cute.

2. If you extend invitations to the children of one extended family member, you should include all of your family member's children - every last one, from both sides. This will save you a lot of pain and uncomfortable conversations later. Trust me.

3. If you want to invite children from outside your or your fiances' family, consider that decision carefully. You should not pick and choose your friend's children based on who will be best behaved. Most people understand when children are excluded from weddings, but if you include some and not others, feelings are bound to be hurt. You should include invitations to all of your friend's children if you are inviting any at all. I have even seen brides set an age limit such as only hosting children that are 12 years of age and above. This works too, and is a clear guideline that most people will understand.

...and take heart! If you are concerned about keeping your smallest guests engaged throughout the reception, there are lots of options for that as well. Some ideas: cover a table (off to the side or even in another room if you rather) with white butcher paper and set up crayons, washable markers, stickers and glitter pens. Craft tables are always a BIG hit with the little ones; you can even give them a "kids only" guest book to create ("kids only" anything usually sends children into an uproar and makes them feel very special). Depending on how much cash you are willing to spend, I've seen couples hire a clown or magician for their small guests. There are sitter services here in the Bay Area who will rent you a pre-screened nanny for the night as well, so no worries about supervision issues. Caterers typically offer different options for children's meals too, and quite often they are much less expensive.

Whatever your decision around the little ones, it's your day and it should be everything you've always dreamed of. No matter what guidelines you choose to follow, don't feel guilty. Feel free to drop me a note for more ideas on how to incorporate kids into your special day!

(On a side note: I actually had two flower girls in my wedding; the great nieces of the couple whose wedding I was in when I was 6 years old. They were ridiculously cute and they danced all night long. Oh to have that kind of energy! ;) )

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